Monday, October 17, 2005
::why so dumb.::
i've been a failure from the beginning, and i've even failed to realise this. i marvel at my stupidity. when this way is wrong, i didn't learn the right way-this happens everytime so far.
today was supposed to be a very joyous celebration. graduation and farewell for sec 4s. yeah it was fun and happy. got my nyaa silver and all that. report books. happy. class fotos. a souvenir from school. it was juz so happy. + the last day of sch.
why did i have to realise it only now. this one truth juz spoilt everything. when i heard it i really acted like nothing happened. cant believe i did it so well. can go be oscar alr. but fuck, everything today that made me happy became negative. when i smile to myself in the mirror, i stop in a second, i cant deceive myself. i look at my 30 points for napfa and shake my head. i look at my result and feel remorse. why am i so dumb, why!? im even reduced to blasting happy songs into my ear now to boost my mood. what a loser i am.
but nevermind. theres pros and cons to everything. yeah. im not going to let this bring about my downfall. many leopards and hyenas are waiting for this tired crow to fall from the tree. my emotions make any aim of mine now shaky and unstable, but at least it means one thing --- my final, my very last and strongest obstacle to 9A1s and everything i do from now till the o's has been removed. i can finally concentrate.
i finally see the killer in me again.

my sty
click on the buttons above to navigate. (: